There Is Power In Letting Go
The van trip lasted all of a few weeks. After a drive from Seattle to Austin to visit Matt's family for the holidays, the van broke down and we were left with a hefty repair. After some consideration and back and forth, we were faced with a difficult decision to make- continue to put money into the van, or fix the current issues and move on to a different journey. Matt's incredible parents let us stay for a while to get things settled and we had to make a choice.
Can you miss something you never really had?
The van represented many things for me; freedom, a huge lifestyle change, adventure, spontaneity, (to name a few), but it soon began to stress me out. At times, it put us at odds and forced us to make a quick decision- live with the knowing that the repairs would be huge setbacks, perhaps even frequent, (after all it is a 22-year-old baby beast); or move on from the attachment and try for the next adventure.
I'll be honest. I was so attached to this idea of living in our little house on wheels, the sunsets, the nights in secluded forests- the big wild idea of it all. Maybe a part of me is still wishing that could happen.
I will always long for what I thought it "should've" been, but I cherish the memories we made and beautiful little moments we had, whether they were challenging or soul-giving, they are still ours. Even though the van wasn't meant to be, those pictures in my mind and heart will never fade. Ultimately, I presented this idea to Matt as a way to make us closer, he dove in with me head first, and even though at this time we're thousands of miles apart, I believe in a strange way it brought us back to center.
Currently, the van is for sale in Austin. We fixed the repairs and it's waiting to find its next home. It is so adorable if I weren't already the owner I would freak out and immediately want to go see it. My vagabond boyfriend bought a one way ticket to Europe. And I love him even more for that. He's backpacking all around the country, meeting new friends and making memories I can't even imagine. I'll be joining him in mid-April and I can't wait, but I've also been thoroughly enjoying my time working and shooting around Washington.
This journey just goes to show how flexibility and resilience can go a long way. At this point in this weird, strange, incredible life I am simply just "trusting the process". I believe that if my intention is to travel, then by all means, I will travel. I will learn, I may make foolish decisions but I will revel in them, I'll make mistakes and I will laugh at them. I will say thank you for things I don't quite understand and will reflect and pause when necessary. In this crazy, magical life, I will believe in the power of letting go.